Choices and decisions…

Have I made the right ones?

I have to constantly remind myself that no matter how hard today is, yesterday is gone and I did alright. I am better now than I was. The kids are better now, and every day is a step forward even though they are small and difficult. Staying in bad situations so my kids could have “things” would have been wrong, and was wrong. They need me well, want me well, and that is what they have now. Is what I am working hard to improve.

Happiness is out there. On a tree, growing an apple for me to come and grab. Have picked a few unripened ones, one with a bruise and a worm inside. This shiny one looks right. πŸ˜‰ Under this big blue sky all things are possible. It never stops turning, for anyone. That is its nature. We need to remember to go out and enjoy all that it has to offer while we are here and able to. I always forget that too.

This is another reminder to myself. I hope you all don’t mind. πŸ˜‰



A poem…

I haven’t written one in many many years, and this one was just inspired and I had to put it down. I’ve not ever been a very good critic of my own work. Most of my writing was done in high school, and seems childish to me. This may still be so. But that is neither here nor there, I had to write it regardless. If you have any interest in reading any others they are under my name ladysunflower at the Deviant Art website. So here it goes:

-You Fit Me-

My arms
My mind
My understanding

thoughts and feelings

outside when you hold me
inside when you fill me

My breath
My soul

every waking moment
through deep slumber bliss.

September 7, 2010



Well I’m happy to say that my neice had her birthday party on Saturday and she LOVED the gifts I’d made for her. I had been soooooo over worried that she wouldn’t like them as much as the other things I knew other people would be “buying” her. But her face lit up when she pulled her little bunny

Little Bunny Friend

Little Bunny Friend

out of the little tote bag
Little Girl Tote Bag

Little Girl Tote Bag

. It was really sweet. She also loved her poncho that I made for her, she put it on over her Belle dress she was wearing.
Little Girl's Poncho

Little Girl's Poncho

It definately made all the work on them worth while.

So now I’m on to other projects. Its my own daughter’s birthday coming up in October. So I’ve got a few ideas in the works for her. My only issue there is finding the time to make them when she isn’t looking. πŸ˜‰ I’ve also have the desire to really work on some doilies, even though I know they are a bit outdated they are so beautiful. I am also trying out what’s called Filet Crochet. Basically its like graph paper with squares filled in to make the picture, but with the crochet your filling in the squares with the crochet stitches AND making the grid squares with the stitches. It really sounds harder than it is. I’ve already done 12 rows on a beginning project and I’ve impressed myself that it is actually working and so easy.

So that’s what’s up in my little world. Really only a portion of it even. With the kids back in school and activities starting up, I hope that my new found up swing, strength, and hope, will keep up and keep forward.

so for now,

Is this what “normal” is???

Is this? I sit in amazement every day now. I don’t feel an unending urge to just cry, to just curl up and hide and wish it all away anymore. I have to admit, I cannot remember the last time I ever felt this “okay”. You would have thought that being a mother twice over, moving and living in such lovely and interesting places over the years that a person would have absolutely no reason at all to feel the way I’ve felt the last 13 years. And the clouds aren’t so dark anymore, its amazing to me. I still have quite a few dauting issues to work through, but I can see now, that I am not the only one. Everyone deals with these things. Debt, children fighting, their own children growing, daily house chores, daily job chores. I am not alone, and I need to hang onto that because when I was drowning, all I ever felt was alone, even with my loving family and friends. Its so hard to explain to anyone who’s not gone through it.

I am enjoying life again, and I just keep feeling the urge to shout it out and share it.
Thank you for sharing it with me. πŸ™‚

Finished projects…

Amigurumi Monkey

Amigurumi Monkey

Amazingly enough I have actually finished a couple of projects! This one is an Amigurumi Monkey I made for my son. I followed the pattern from the book Easy Crochet Critters. It was pretty fun to make. I think I’m hooked on making these lil animals, and well hooked on crocheting in general if you’ll excuse the pun. πŸ˜‰
Pretty Flower Necklace

Pretty Flower Necklace

The other thing I finished was a flower necklace crocheted with thread instead of yarn. I used the pattern Pretty Pretty Flower Scarf designed by gnathalie2 and posted on her blog Gnat on the Windshield It is a lovely design. I decided to use a size #3 crochet thread in navy blue, and kept it shorter to make it a neckalace. Being my first crochet jewlery, I think it turned out alright, but as usual I see room for improvement.

So now that I got those couple little projects out of my system, I can continue working on the things I’m making for my neice’s birthday. She’ll be turning 5 the beginning of August, so I’m making some really “girly” things for her. I’ll post those as I finish them up.


Sadness is overwhelming…

My Grandmother

My Grandmother

I had a very sad weekend past. Last Thursday my mother and I found out that her mom, my grandma had passed away in the night. This was the only grandmother I had known, even though she had lived a state away. I spent the majority of my summers at her home, with her. She was a very beautiful, inspirational, artistic, musical, and lovely lady. I cannot say in words enough to express my love for her. She will be deeply missed and always remembered.

I am still a little raw from the whole experiance. Hopefully I can sit down sometime soon and actually write somthing fitting for a rememberance of her and her life. For now this will have to do.

With love and hope for all,